To those who aren’t familiar with the term “rainbow baby” this posts title may seem just like an ordinary Mother’s Day post. Truth is, it’s an extra special post… This post will probably be one of the closest to my heart… I’m sharing something so personal, so difficult but now so rewarding and special all at once. For any other mother out there who knows the term “rainbow baby” you may be able to relate. This year, I will be ‘celebrating‘ my first Mother’s Day, and truth is, I couldn’t feel more blessed to be able to say that. This year, I became a mother to an earthly little angel, Noah Xavier Carcache… he arrived on April 19, 2017 at 2:17pm via c-section weighing in at a healthy 10lbs and 1oz and 22 inches long! He came to us as a healthy and perfect little boy! My heart has never felt so full of love, so complete and so overwhelmed by the grace God has shown me and my husband. Truth is this baby boy has come to us after much prayer.
On this Mother’s Day, I wanted to introduce you to our “rainbow baby” a rainbow after the storm… You see what makes this year so special for me and for my family, is that last year during this special day, we thought we’d be sharing beautiful and happy filled news to our family… except ,we were mourning. We were mourning the loss of what we thought would be our first baby… This time last year we were preparing to tell our family, that I too would be celebrating ‘mothers day,’ except God had different plans for us.. and even though in the beginning I couldn’t understand the “why” I had to trust that only he knew the plans he had for me and the plans he had for me as a mom.. that week, we had a miscarriage. The loss was a devastating one… and one that will forever be a part of me, who I am… and a reminder of how gracious God has been in allowing me to be able to now hold this beautiful baby boy in my arms this year.
Our sweet baby boy has been a constant reminder of Gods grace and how grateful, blessed and loved my husband and I are to have him here with us. My husband and I are taking him all in, and opening our arms and heart fully for this little boy. He has changed our lives in so many ways, more than he will ever know and in more good ways than not. Truth is, our lives changed drastically a year ago that moment when we got the news at the doctor’s office, with the words, “I’m sorry but I believe you are experiencing the beginning of a miscarriage” followed by the moment we thought we would first see our first baby via ultrasound. What we really did see was emptiness, and experience the feeling of an empty heart… that’s why this year is so special. Our hearts are as full as they have ever been, our hands are as full as they could be for now, fully full with a healthy baby boy that we could now physically hold, kiss, hug and stare at for hours at a time without blinking an eye and be full of so much love, that I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes.
This Mother’s Day all I need is to hold my baby boy in my arms, because he is my greatest gift. I share this not because I need someone to feel bad for our story… but rather because it’s a story of redemption… a story that so many other women and family’s experience. Today I am beyond grateful, and today I remember my little angel in heaven whose been watching over us. A little angel who has made us realize to be a little more grateful this year because we now have a little blessing to hold. I pray and empathize today with any woman out there whose experienced a miscarriage, a loss or even infertility. It’s a rough road, but one that should push us to lean on to faith a little more, because your little miracle will soon come too. Today, I am the happiest mama out there, today I count my blessings. He’s our rainbow after the storm, but a storm in which we learned so much about us as a couple, as a woman, as a wife and mother. Today I will hold my little Noah, a little closer, kiss and hug him a little more and thank God for every inch of this little boy.