Parenthood Feelings

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Our little guy turned 5 months a couple of days ago and my heart is conflicted. Part feels like time needs to slow down, another part feels proud when he reaches another milestone, and another feels just plain out blessed. You never really understand when others used to tell you, “you’ll understand when you’re a mom or dad” until you actually become a parent. My hubby and I have been all about the feelings lately with our little guy. He’s growing up and growing fast, he’s been changing right before our eyes and it makes us feel all sorts of way. We keep wanting him to stay little forever, so that forever he can look into our eyes the way he does with that twinkle of all the love for us. A look that just completely consumes us with a good overwhelming kind of love.  We felt it was necessary to write these feelings so that forever we could remember them even though I doubt we will ever forget… as a mother and as a father we’ll remember this….

As a mother I will always remember all the hard sleepless nights, but I will also remember that during those nights, Noah looks up at me, his mom to be consoled, to be given love and affection. I will remember how sometimes, sleep just wasn’t on his mind but rather a smile to lighten up our dark nights. I will remember all the sleepless nights where I fought not only to close my eyes to sleep but also to keep them open to just be able to stare at him a little longer before we both fell asleep. I will remember always every little inch of him. Everyday that passes all I pray for is for guidance. Guidance to be the best mom I could be for our little boy. To have patience, to be a good example, to keep him safe, to be his friend but also his Mother above all. I pray to always be able and capable of always being there for him. As a mother I hope that when I fail and make mistakes, I hope to learn from those mistakes to be a better me and a better mom to Noah. But through it all I hope to always lean on my faith and his grace during this whole journey of motherhood and parenthood along with my husband.

As for my husband… this is what he’d like to share…

“Our baby boy Noah turned 5 months old. It reminded me about a month back Jen brought home a onesie that seemed rather big. I told her “no way he fits in that in 6 months”, she said “he almost fits in it now”. I held it up next to my torso and I couldn’t believe it. I remember getting emotional just thinking about how big Noah is quickly becoming. I kept asking myself, “is he really that big”. Our baby boy is growing up so quickly. I think that night it hit the both of us, that Noah is growing up and time is way past us. I wish time would slow down and he wouldn’t grow so fast! Might be selfish, but I want to keep him this way a little longer.

You really don’t know what it is to be a parent until you are one. I am quickly starting to find out the meaning of that saying. The love that grows in you for your child is something beyond this world. I never thought I can love something or someone so much. I never thought I would care so much about someone growing up and changing. These feelings extend much deeper, not even words can describe it. The one thing I can say is not to take these moments for granted. This is a unique experience and as a new parent, try to soak as much of it in because it’ll flash right before your eyes.” – Xavier

As for our little Noah, know that you are sooo very loved. You have changed our lives in ways we never knew. Your dad and I thought we knew what deep unconditional love was, but the truth is, we didn’t until you came into our lives. We promise to always be there for you and love you with all our might our sweet babe. We’re so grateful and feel so blessed God chose us to be your parents, there is no greater privilege. We hope to be the best of us with the guidance of the one up above for you baby boy.

With all our love,

Your mom and dad.
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Mothers Day & A Rainbow Baby

To those who aren’t familiar with the term “rainbow baby” this posts title may seem just like an ordinary Mother’s Day post. Truth is, it’s an extra special post… This post will probably be one of the closest to my heart… I’m sharing something so personal, so difficult but now so rewarding and special all at once. For any other mother out there who knows the term “rainbow baby” you may be able to relate. This year, I will be ‘celebrating‘ my first Mother’s Day, and truth is, I couldn’t feel more blessed to be able to say that. This year, I became a mother to an earthly little angel, Noah Xavier Carcache… he arrived on April 19, 2017 at 2:17pm via c-section weighing in at a healthy 10lbs and 1oz and 22 inches long! He came to us as a healthy and perfect little boy! My heart has never felt so full of love, so complete and so overwhelmed by the grace God has shown me and my husband. Truth is this baby boy has come to us after much prayer.

On this Mother’s Day, I wanted to introduce you to our “rainbow baby” a rainbow after the storm… You see what makes this year so special for me and for my family, is that last year during this special day, we thought we’d be sharing beautiful and happy filled news to our family… except ,we were mourning. We were mourning the loss of what we thought would be our first baby… This time last year we were preparing to tell our family, that I too would be celebrating ‘mothers day,’ except God had different plans for us.. and even though in the beginning I couldn’t understand the “why” I had to trust that only he knew the plans he had for me and the plans he had for me as a mom.. that week, we had a miscarriage. The loss was a devastating one… and one that will forever be a part of me, who I am… and a reminder of how gracious God has been in allowing me to be able to now hold this beautiful baby boy in my arms this year.

Our sweet baby boy has been a constant reminder of Gods grace and how grateful, blessed and loved my husband and I are to have him here with us. My husband and I are taking him all in, and opening our arms and heart fully for this little boy.  He has changed our lives in so many ways, more than he will ever know and in more good ways than not. Truth is, our lives changed drastically  a year ago that moment when we got the news at the doctor’s office, with the words, “I’m sorry but I believe you are experiencing the beginning of a miscarriage” followed by the moment we thought we would first see our first baby via ultrasound. What we really did see was emptiness, and experience the feeling of an empty heart… that’s why this year is so special. Our hearts are as full as they have ever been, our hands are as full as they could be for now, fully full with a healthy baby boy that we could now physically hold, kiss, hug and stare at for hours at a time without blinking an eye and be full of so much love, that I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes.

This Mother’s Day all I need is to hold my baby boy in my arms, because he is my greatest gift. I share this not because I need someone to feel bad for our story… but rather because it’s a story of redemption… a story that so many other women and family’s experience. Today I am beyond grateful, and today I remember my little angel in heaven whose been watching over us. A little angel who has made us realize to be a little more grateful this year because we now have a little blessing to hold.  I pray and empathize today with any woman out there whose experienced a miscarriage, a loss or even infertility. It’s a rough road, but one that should push us to lean on to faith a little more, because your little miracle will soon come too.  Today, I am the happiest mama out there, today I count my blessings. He’s our rainbow after the storm, but a storm in which we learned so much about us as a couple, as a woman, as a wife and mother. Today  I will hold my little Noah, a little closer, kiss and hug him a little more and thank God for every inch of this little boy.

Our 1st Trimester’s Recap

1samuel1-27We haven’t done much blogging lately, mostly due to our busy schedules, holidays and this mama dealing with “all day sickness” or plain out being tired! But I figured its time to catch you all up a little and re-cap the beginning of our pregnancy journey with our 1st trimester photos.  The truth is… 1st trimester was a little rough around the edges… and maybe that’s me putting it in light terms in comparison to how I actually felt. Truth being, I felt too incredibly blessed and too incredibly guilty to complain for such a huge blessing we were given! The blessing of a child, the opportunity to experience pregnancy and the honor of being called parents. While I tried to remind myself of all this, I will be honest…I was incredibly frustrated many days. I wasn’t keeping any food down, the nausea was ALL day and I was loosing weight. All I know is that as a first time mom-to-be, you worry… you worry when you feel you are not doing everything you can possibly do to keep your growing baby healthy and strong and frustration I must admit won over often. Thats when Im grateful for a wonderful supporting husband, family and friends who kept me grounded and focused on the big picture, and reminded me of the greatest gift God had placed in our lives. I just had to fight through it, focus on the Joy this little babe was bringing us and how full my heart truly was. I will admit the back rubs I got from hubby during the rushes to the bathroom, were and still are cherished and appreciated! He’s like the cheerleader rooting me on! haha. But all nausea and sickness aside, 1st trimester was also full of joy and happiness. Memories like announcing our pregnancy to our close family and friends are memories we will forever remember and cherish. They’re all so full of love and happiness that they’d be hard to forget. We would be lying if worry and anxiety never popped into our heads for the changes to come, but the truth is… this babe was soooo wanted and we prayed so hard for this little babe that the joy and reality of it really happening overcomes any of those anxieties. Plus, we know we always have the big man above us to lean on with our worries, and trusting in the Lord during this time is and will continue to be the best thing we can do.

For now, we will continue to look forward to having better days! Nausea free hopefully and fewer trip to the bathroom, haha! So here is our week by week pregnancy photo updates! Excuse the look, messy hair, pale faces and anything in between! haha.. I do promise this, baby boy is healthy and growing strong!

{7 weeks}- First ultrasound confirmation

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{Just a couple of our first trimester memories of our sweet babe}

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A Sweet Baby Gender Reveal

batch_img_9702This past weekend, we had the honor or sharing with our close friends and family one very exciting moment for Xavier and I.. the gender of our sweet babe! We knew from the get go that we wanted to be surprised along with everyone and that we would try to do it in a creative manner, or at least in an exciting way! Along the way, some of my close girlfriends and mom decided they wanted in on the plan and wanted to help us out with the reveal! Which by the way, I appreciated with all my heart being that this mama has had some difficult days with all the nausea and yes…trips to the bathroom..sigh. But with that on the side, brain storming took off and we ended up with the sweetest gender reveal night! Our simple sweet theme was bow ties or bows and while its one we’ve seen before, it was ours and it was perfect! Some great DIY’s also came into play by yours truly, since we all know that I’m up for a good arts and craft! The time and effort that my mom and friends took out of their schedules was just a huge meaning of love and a reminder of how much this sweet baby is already loved and cared for! After a couple of snacks and a couple guesses from our guests, it was reveal time. We found a way to make the reveal explosive and made it POP! We found the cutest reveal balloon on etsy, over at Baby Glimpses. My mom was the only one who knew the gender (because she begged! Lol) so she filled the balloon with the adequate color and when everyone was gathered around it was time! It was time to reveal what we had been patiently waiting for…a sweet baby girl or a handsome little boy! And just to make the occasion even more fun… that night we had a power outage! Yes! for most of the reveal we had no power! Lets just say, thank goodness for technology and phones with flashlights.. lol it was definitely a reveal to remember!

To start our bow ties and bows theme, this mama had some fun on her chalkboard’s and got to get in on some of the exciting plan!

My little sister also wanted in, and this cute little drawing was hung up near our precious little baby’s ultrasound baby selfies! We have that board in our home and we get to walk by everyday and stare at our little blessing!

Our closest friends and family also were wearing their baby guesses with these cute DIY bow ties and bows made by this mama. They were the cutest little things and fun to watch what our guest’s guesses were..

batch_img_9690batch_img_9717Now to talk about this sweet dessert table! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! I was so in love with the whole set up! My friend brought all these yummy treats and cake to us from a baker friend, Jaclyn Otero. Everything was delicious and everything was gorgeous. batch_img_9713

Vanilla cake with nutella filling and cream cheese frosting?! Yes please! Oh and the most perfect bowties and bows cookies I ever did see.

Now is the time to bring your sense of humor out! Cupcake toppers with a meaning!

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The guys and the girls… this baby is going to be loved by so many!

The amazing grandparents to be!img_9779

The aunts and uncles and the three ladies who made this day even more special with all their support and planning!

img_9780The time to finally reveal whether we would be having a boy or girl with this awesome balloon! img_9781

It’s a Baby BOY!!