Parenthood Feelings

img_3477-1

Our little guy turned 5 months a couple of days ago and my heart is conflicted. Part feels like time needs to slow down, another part feels proud when he reaches another milestone, and another feels just plain out blessed. You never really understand when others used to tell you, “you’ll understand when you’re a mom or dad” until you actually become a parent. My hubby and I have been all about the feelings lately with our little guy. He’s growing up and growing fast, he’s been changing right before our eyes and it makes us feel all sorts of way. We keep wanting him to stay little forever, so that forever he can look into our eyes the way he does with that twinkle of all the love for us. A look that just completely consumes us with a good overwhelming kind of love.  We felt it was necessary to write these feelings so that forever we could remember them even though I doubt we will ever forget… as a mother and as a father we’ll remember this….

As a mother I will always remember all the hard sleepless nights, but I will also remember that during those nights, Noah looks up at me, his mom to be consoled, to be given love and affection. I will remember how sometimes, sleep just wasn’t on his mind but rather a smile to lighten up our dark nights. I will remember all the sleepless nights where I fought not only to close my eyes to sleep but also to keep them open to just be able to stare at him a little longer before we both fell asleep. I will remember always every little inch of him. Everyday that passes all I pray for is for guidance. Guidance to be the best mom I could be for our little boy. To have patience, to be a good example, to keep him safe, to be his friend but also his Mother above all. I pray to always be able and capable of always being there for him. As a mother I hope that when I fail and make mistakes, I hope to learn from those mistakes to be a better me and a better mom to Noah. But through it all I hope to always lean on my faith and his grace during this whole journey of motherhood and parenthood along with my husband.

As for my husband… this is what he’d like to share…

“Our baby boy Noah turned 5 months old. It reminded me about a month back Jen brought home a onesie that seemed rather big. I told her “no way he fits in that in 6 months”, she said “he almost fits in it now”. I held it up next to my torso and I couldn’t believe it. I remember getting emotional just thinking about how big Noah is quickly becoming. I kept asking myself, “is he really that big”. Our baby boy is growing up so quickly. I think that night it hit the both of us, that Noah is growing up and time is way past us. I wish time would slow down and he wouldn’t grow so fast! Might be selfish, but I want to keep him this way a little longer.

You really don’t know what it is to be a parent until you are one. I am quickly starting to find out the meaning of that saying. The love that grows in you for your child is something beyond this world. I never thought I can love something or someone so much. I never thought I would care so much about someone growing up and changing. These feelings extend much deeper, not even words can describe it. The one thing I can say is not to take these moments for granted. This is a unique experience and as a new parent, try to soak as much of it in because it’ll flash right before your eyes.” – Xavier

As for our little Noah, know that you are sooo very loved. You have changed our lives in ways we never knew. Your dad and I thought we knew what deep unconditional love was, but the truth is, we didn’t until you came into our lives. We promise to always be there for you and love you with all our might our sweet babe. We’re so grateful and feel so blessed God chose us to be your parents, there is no greater privilege. We hope to be the best of us with the guidance of the one up above for you baby boy.

With all our love,

Your mom and dad.
img_3297-1.jpg

img_3301-1

Maternity shoot flashback & feelings

As I sit here holding our sweet baby boy in my arms today, I can only think of those days I was just feeling him move around in my belly. I would sit and stare at my growing belly just watching him move around, kicking stretching and hiccup-ing all inside of me. I was so full of excitement thinking he’d soon be in arms. But as I sat and stared and waited I’d just wonder how he would look, whose nose, eyes and how much hair he’d have. It was such a conflicting feeling to think I wouldn’t feel his little movements inside of me anymore but yet how much I would love just holding him in my arms staring him down for hours. Well he is here…. and I’m staring down at him thinking time is going fast. Our little man is almost 3 months old, even though he looks like he’s almost 5 months old! (He was a big boy since birth! Lol) now I sit and look through these photographs and just smile. I smile because pregnancy for me was oh so hard in the beginning and not till a little over half way did i start feeling better.. but pregnancy is beautiful. Even though sometimes I was so uncomfortable and my body was going through so many changes it scared me, pregnancy is beautiful. It’s a beautiful miracle of life that God has granted us with. A privilege to hold life and care for it with all of Gods grace and an everlasting love. Pregnancy is such a wonderful gift. I also smile at these photographs because they’re also a reminder of when it was just my sweet husband and I. When all of our love turned into waiting for our little boy. I also smile because it sends me back to the times it was just Xavier and I and all our dreams and the stories owe share together before our little guy came to this world. They’re the sweetest memories and just makes me feel all sorts of butterflies because I love this man so much. Our story is beautiful… it has never been perfect but our story is beautiful and full of love. These photographs are just a small vision into that love my husband and I share.. and all the love we’re going to be giving our baby boy.  Now we’ll look at these and have flashbacks of all those feelings leading up to his arrival… a sweet memory in deed.

Thank you BecaCompanioni at BecaCphotography for capturing all of this love in these beautiful photographs. ❤

I’d do any adventure with you my love… this is just the beginning… Noah is another chapter in our story.. love you both with all my heart.

❤ Jen

Mothers Day & A Rainbow Baby

To those who aren’t familiar with the term “rainbow baby” this posts title may seem just like an ordinary Mother’s Day post. Truth is, it’s an extra special post… This post will probably be one of the closest to my heart… I’m sharing something so personal, so difficult but now so rewarding and special all at once. For any other mother out there who knows the term “rainbow baby” you may be able to relate. This year, I will be ‘celebrating‘ my first Mother’s Day, and truth is, I couldn’t feel more blessed to be able to say that. This year, I became a mother to an earthly little angel, Noah Xavier Carcache… he arrived on April 19, 2017 at 2:17pm via c-section weighing in at a healthy 10lbs and 1oz and 22 inches long! He came to us as a healthy and perfect little boy! My heart has never felt so full of love, so complete and so overwhelmed by the grace God has shown me and my husband. Truth is this baby boy has come to us after much prayer.

On this Mother’s Day, I wanted to introduce you to our “rainbow baby” a rainbow after the storm… You see what makes this year so special for me and for my family, is that last year during this special day, we thought we’d be sharing beautiful and happy filled news to our family… except ,we were mourning. We were mourning the loss of what we thought would be our first baby… This time last year we were preparing to tell our family, that I too would be celebrating ‘mothers day,’ except God had different plans for us.. and even though in the beginning I couldn’t understand the “why” I had to trust that only he knew the plans he had for me and the plans he had for me as a mom.. that week, we had a miscarriage. The loss was a devastating one… and one that will forever be a part of me, who I am… and a reminder of how gracious God has been in allowing me to be able to now hold this beautiful baby boy in my arms this year.

Our sweet baby boy has been a constant reminder of Gods grace and how grateful, blessed and loved my husband and I are to have him here with us. My husband and I are taking him all in, and opening our arms and heart fully for this little boy.  He has changed our lives in so many ways, more than he will ever know and in more good ways than not. Truth is, our lives changed drastically  a year ago that moment when we got the news at the doctor’s office, with the words, “I’m sorry but I believe you are experiencing the beginning of a miscarriage” followed by the moment we thought we would first see our first baby via ultrasound. What we really did see was emptiness, and experience the feeling of an empty heart… that’s why this year is so special. Our hearts are as full as they have ever been, our hands are as full as they could be for now, fully full with a healthy baby boy that we could now physically hold, kiss, hug and stare at for hours at a time without blinking an eye and be full of so much love, that I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes.

This Mother’s Day all I need is to hold my baby boy in my arms, because he is my greatest gift. I share this not because I need someone to feel bad for our story… but rather because it’s a story of redemption… a story that so many other women and family’s experience. Today I am beyond grateful, and today I remember my little angel in heaven whose been watching over us. A little angel who has made us realize to be a little more grateful this year because we now have a little blessing to hold.  I pray and empathize today with any woman out there whose experienced a miscarriage, a loss or even infertility. It’s a rough road, but one that should push us to lean on to faith a little more, because your little miracle will soon come too.  Today, I am the happiest mama out there, today I count my blessings. He’s our rainbow after the storm, but a storm in which we learned so much about us as a couple, as a woman, as a wife and mother. Today  I will hold my little Noah, a little closer, kiss and hug him a little more and thank God for every inch of this little boy.

A Sweet Baby Gender Reveal

batch_img_9702This past weekend, we had the honor or sharing with our close friends and family one very exciting moment for Xavier and I.. the gender of our sweet babe! We knew from the get go that we wanted to be surprised along with everyone and that we would try to do it in a creative manner, or at least in an exciting way! Along the way, some of my close girlfriends and mom decided they wanted in on the plan and wanted to help us out with the reveal! Which by the way, I appreciated with all my heart being that this mama has had some difficult days with all the nausea and yes…trips to the bathroom..sigh. But with that on the side, brain storming took off and we ended up with the sweetest gender reveal night! Our simple sweet theme was bow ties or bows and while its one we’ve seen before, it was ours and it was perfect! Some great DIY’s also came into play by yours truly, since we all know that I’m up for a good arts and craft! The time and effort that my mom and friends took out of their schedules was just a huge meaning of love and a reminder of how much this sweet baby is already loved and cared for! After a couple of snacks and a couple guesses from our guests, it was reveal time. We found a way to make the reveal explosive and made it POP! We found the cutest reveal balloon on etsy, over at Baby Glimpses. My mom was the only one who knew the gender (because she begged! Lol) so she filled the balloon with the adequate color and when everyone was gathered around it was time! It was time to reveal what we had been patiently waiting for…a sweet baby girl or a handsome little boy! And just to make the occasion even more fun… that night we had a power outage! Yes! for most of the reveal we had no power! Lets just say, thank goodness for technology and phones with flashlights.. lol it was definitely a reveal to remember!

To start our bow ties and bows theme, this mama had some fun on her chalkboard’s and got to get in on some of the exciting plan!

My little sister also wanted in, and this cute little drawing was hung up near our precious little baby’s ultrasound baby selfies! We have that board in our home and we get to walk by everyday and stare at our little blessing!

Our closest friends and family also were wearing their baby guesses with these cute DIY bow ties and bows made by this mama. They were the cutest little things and fun to watch what our guest’s guesses were..

batch_img_9690batch_img_9717Now to talk about this sweet dessert table! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! I was so in love with the whole set up! My friend brought all these yummy treats and cake to us from a baker friend, Jaclyn Otero. Everything was delicious and everything was gorgeous. batch_img_9713

Vanilla cake with nutella filling and cream cheese frosting?! Yes please! Oh and the most perfect bowties and bows cookies I ever did see.

Now is the time to bring your sense of humor out! Cupcake toppers with a meaning!

batch_img_9710

The guys and the girls… this baby is going to be loved by so many!

The amazing grandparents to be!img_9779

The aunts and uncles and the three ladies who made this day even more special with all their support and planning!

img_9780The time to finally reveal whether we would be having a boy or girl with this awesome balloon! img_9781

It’s a Baby BOY!!

 

OVERWHELMED WITH THE LOVE OF FAMILY

I am overwhelmed with family love….a good kind of overwhelmed though, the kind that makes you smile. The past couple months, I have realized how much our family has grown and how much we have matured. Family isn’t always all smiles and cheer like seen in most photographs. Family is also about hardships, disagreements, loss and failures. But family is also about Love, forgiveness, grace and humility…these all can surpass any of those not so good qualities. It’s a good reflection of what God is to us, because he too, is our family..and love and forgiveness can overcome a lot. My family, like many others have had their ups and downs.. The downs being quite low. But these past couple of months I have seen how much we have grown. How amazing it is to forgive and let go…and how ahead it puts us in any relationship. We still have room for improvement, we still bicker and disagree at times, but we wouldn’t be human if we did not. I guess we are realizing that all we got at times is each-other. That it’s better to be at peace with each other than to be in any silly little disagreement. We are learning to let things go.

The past couple of months we have made it a priority to speak more and be more involved in each others days and lives. It wasn’t a talked thing but I think we’ve all realized how nice it is to be involved in each others lives. With my brothers this is a prime example. We have leaned on each other for help without expecting anything in return. My brother joe lend himself to us during our engagement party a couple of months back and it meant so much to us because he did it out of his own will and want. Thank you joe!

With my brother Chris it’s been special.. We have gone through a lot together… But we are learning to lean on each other when in need and when we want to share good things and that makes me so happy. We have talks with meaning and purpose, and we learned to listen to each other. Most importantly, I think we realized we have each other at the end of the day, no matter the circumstance. It’s been so nice to spend time with him on days off and share moments and build memories with him and his girlfriend Alexis, Xavier and I. The sweetness of it all is that we have come to see we are not just brothers and sisters, we are each others friends as well.

With my parents the relationships have also changed, and I think it has to do a lot with our age. Once we were kids, stubborn and thought we knew it all, yet they always had our best interest at hand and heart. We are growing and one thing I have learned now that I’m older is the unconditional love they give me, even when they disagree. We have had many uneasy moments in the past, but God has been good and we have overcome them all. Our relationship is stronger than ever, they are my best friends. They care for my heart more than any other physical human being and for that I am grateful.

My sister we all know is one that is dear to my heart, and I think she’s a reminder to our whole family of the joy we can find in the little things. She’s also a quick reminder of how different we all are and how differently we all have grown up. She brings us smiles and laughs only a child can and sends us “I love you’s and I miss you’s ‘” when we need them the most. While she may be strong-minded, she reminds me of how important it is to stand our ground, yet love with all our hearts.

The love recently has been one that even though we don’t talk about it on a daily basis and maybe my parents nor my brothers and sisters see. As I sat back to think and just take all the struggles we have gone through and all the memories in the past we hold dear to, they all just seemed to amaze me. We are growing as a family, and I really think it’s for the best. One thing I am so thankful for is that we all are here and live close to each other and that even though we don’t live under the same roof, were only a phone call away or a 10 min drive away. I’ve learned that while we are not a perfect family, we ARE a family and that’s good for me.

We have more family members being added like my fiancé Xavier and my brothers girlfriend and its so lovely to see how much we are a part of each others lives thus far. I know we have more to learn from each other and more to experience together, but so far its makes my heart warm. My family as whole is growing, and though some are far away, or I haven’t talked to in a while, I love them all because Ive learned something from each and every one of them. Today you were all in my thoughts, and today I am grateful for all those I call my family.

Jen<3

LIFE LATELY

 Life lately has been busy.. But things are starting to settle down a little more. Of course there’s the busy days and the less busy days, but so far so good! Life lately has been full. Full of busy schedules, work, errands, wedding planning, moving out, moving in… It’s been full of emotions, cries, laughter, family and friends, but most importantly love. The love for each and everything we must do has kept us going. Love for what we do, our surroundings, our family and most importantly eachother. And to be honest, I am grateful for all the fullness, because if it wasn’t full we wouldn’t be complete. Life lately is a constant reminder to appreciate all we had, have and will have. 

About two weeks ago, we made our biggest sacrifice thus far as a couple. We are staying with my parents in order to get a little break and save up for our wedding 6months from now and for our future home. It was a decision that I prayed because I knew it would be an adjustment not only for me again but for my fiancé. So far so good. We have learned to appreciate all we have been able to do thus far and what we had. But it’s also been a blessing to be sharing with my parents as well. They’ve been through a lot and are hard working individuals whom we learn something from each day. Family time has been my biggest happiness. Being able to spend more time with my parents, brothers and little sister has been truly special. My sister and I share a special bond being so far apart in age, and it’s been a whirl of fun watching how she grows each day not just in height but her personality. She keeps us on our toes, but she also brings the light back to us in the humility only a child holds. To say the least, it’s been special. Some sacrifice with  loosing our personal and private place, but mostly joy behind a move that is only making us learn more from eachother as family. 

Work has been busy, overtime is in full effect to save up for this wedding coming up!  We are tired most days. But trying to make the best of our days off. While we mostly try to get some extra sleep in, we squeeze some errand time, family time and some much needed date nights just for Xavier and I. It’s important for us to find balance. And while at times I feel like work is consuming us more little by little whether it be physically or mentally, it’s a constant reminder of finding our balance and to be grateful that God has provided us with a job and most importantly our health. We know he will guide our way and we will be okay.

The LORD demands accurate scales and balances; he sets the standards for fairness. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭11‬ NLT)

Nursing week just passed and I just want to mention how terribly grateful I am to work with the group of nurses I work with. To be flat out honest. They kick butt!!! I am honestly part of an amazing group of nurses. We all have our strengths and weakeness, but from that comes the biggest lessons because we get to learn from eachother. I have to be honest by saying that there are three individuals that I am so lucky to call my work partners, my friends and most importantly my family. They are my girls. We are a group of girls that were meant to meet. I have learned so much from them, not just nursing but about life, love, patience, kindness and about having a giving heart. They have my back and I have theirs. They have become my sisters. I cherish our friendship and hold it dear to my heart. Vanessa, Dianna and Desiree, thank you for keeping me sane through the struggles of nursing, the hardships, and for being there through our accomplishments, laughters and craziness! Love you girls. 

Now, for Xavier and I, our relationship lately has been stronger and stronger. We have learned a lot about eachother not just this past year but even more so now that we are back with my parents. We both agreed that it would be a change for us as far as our home, but we agreed that as long as we are together, we would be just fine. It’s been important for us to find a balance in our relationship as well. The time we spend alone as a couple to keep the fire going is very important to us!  Sometimes the tiredness, work and life becomes a bump in the road, but we have talked about making time for us. We feel it’s very important to keep a well balanced relationship in our alone time and time shared to be about the quality of it. As long as we have faith, love, respect and all those other great things, we will keep getting stronger. 

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭7‬ ESV)

Life lately, well it’s been good. We are more than blessed I’d like to say. We have our good days and we have our little not so good days. But life lately has been good. Finding balance, love and strength is an ongoing process that keeps us alive and going. And with all that we have seen lately, experienced and still are waiting to experience, I must say we are doing well. We have been very grateful lately for our families, our friendships that support us like family each day, our growing love for eachother and our health. We are more than thankful to be healthy and strong. Life will continue tomorrow and pick up where we left off today. For now life lately has been… More than good. 

For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light. (‭Psalm‬ ‭36‬:‭9‬ ESV)

This is a little glimpse of life lately…

       This little awesome coffee house was our location for our date night recently.  My amazing parents at my dads birthday dinner.         Little sisters weekend celebration to universal studios.       Nurse life and my amazing friends who even sneak in a little FaceTime with me if I’m not working that day!     These two are best friends and last Saturday I got to enjoy a weekend of watching my dad coach my little sisters soccer team and game. 

How’s life lately for all of you? I hope it’s amazing! 

                                ❤ Jen

SOFIA TURNS SEVEN

Sofia turned SEVEN last week and I can’t help but look back at my little sisters #7 celebration! It was definitely a family affair full of surprises for our little Sofia! This year her birthday fell on a week day.. and we all know that a weekday birthday for a little one is no fun! lol But thanks to big brothers and sisters, we would take care of that and make sure it was a day full of fun for her! Unlike many little seven-year old girls, my sister is no fan of princesses, pink nor sparkly…(She kinda takes after me on that..woops) What she is a fan of and a HUGE fan of on that note, is horses! The love she has for them is overwhelming… Overwhelming in the sense that it’s this good emotion, that consumes you with love and a smile when you see her eyes light up when she sees one or is riding them in lessons. It fills me up with joy honestly. So what better way than to celebrate with some horses on her special day!

I wanted to surprise Sofia.. So my plan was to set up a little cake table while she was in school so that when she’d get home, it was her birthday surprise! Well, that’s exactly what I did… The night before I had seen a couple of ideas online to incorporate horses and well my first task was a cake. A simple cake, with a silhouette of a horse. Let me start off by telling you this… I’m NO baker.. but I try! lol So a boxed cake would do, lol. Let me humor you all… the first cake?… well it fell apart while I was taking it out of the baking pan… sigh. But thank goodness for my honey! He’s so sweet…because I wasn’t having the greatest day and when I saw the cake fall apart, I almost went into tears. Luckily for me, I have the best fiancé ever… He took me to the grocery store and made me try again! So cake number 2? Success! lol Easiest thing to do was decorate the cake… Some cream cheese frosting and a chocolate sprinkled horse silhouette! A couple of goodies from target and I was ready to decorate the next morning before she came home from school!

I was so excited to share these photos with you all, not only because I was proud of how our sweet little set up turned out but most importantly because of the smile on our sweet little sofas face! It was priceless! I can’t wait to share more birthdays with my little sister! Most of you know that I adore her and she keeps me going and wanting to be a better me for her eyes!

Our celebrations didn’t stop there..Some games for the day, and a horse cake to wrap up the night.  After, came some planning for our family trip to Orlando to keep celebrating with our little Sofia for the weekend. Lets just say the fun continued and its safe to say she had a great 7th Birthday!

We all love you Sofia! We all wish you many many more birthdays to come, full of that love, happiness and personality you have. May God continue to bless you!  Processed with VSCOcam with a4 preset

Processed with VSCOcam with a4 presetProcessed with VSCOcam with a4 preset

Processed with VSCOcam with a4 presetProcessed with VSCOcam with a4 preset

Happy Birthday Little Sister, We all Love you!
Happy Birthday Little Sister, We all Love you!